Sanity Pills

So these guys go to trivia nights all over metro Boston and document each visit on their blog. They call it the Trivia Jihad and choose their targets from the Stump! Trivia website.

Because of this, they were unaware of my trivia night (which by the way is Monday nights at 9:30pm, John Harvard’s in Harvard Square) but I formally invited them. According to their blog, they are both grad students at Harvard which is apparently not demanding enough.

Radio host is arrested on air in wife’s death: Poisoning alleged in Waltham case

My question is: was his radio show a conservative political show?

Badassss. Wayne Goldsberry, from deep in the heart of Wal-Mart, killed a buck with his bare hands. I probably would’ve screamed like a girl and threw knives at the thing, ensuring that my house and my body would be further damaged by the enraged beast. I wonder what Goldsberry would get in the Michelin Guide to human beings—-he gets an easy 3 stars in my book—definitely worth a trip.

Apparently Rahm Emanuel (D-IL) is fucking crazy. I always thought he was one of those smart and tough democrats who wasn’t easily flustered, sort of like Robert Reich. Wrong as usual.

According to Rolling Stone (via Dailykos):

Friends and enemies agree that the key to Emanuel’s success is his legendary intensity. There’s the story about the time he sent a rotting fish to a pollster who had angered him. There’s the story about how his right middle finger was blown off by a Syrian tank when he was in the Israeli army. And there’s the story of how, the night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president’s enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting “Dead! . . . Dead! . . . Dead!” and plunging the knife into the table after every name. “When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape,” one campaign veteran recalls. “It was like something out of The Godfather. But that’s Rahm for you.”

It’s good that he’s on our side. Maybe I can forgive him for his Clinton-worshipping. Maybe.

Thanks Kos.

These were some letters confiscated from DoubleMan’s secret hideout underneath Trent Lott’s NOLA estate that was just recently drained of water. They were letters he sent home to his girlfriend during ‘nam.

Heya chick, this is the Animal!

I’m coming to you from the ass end of Vietnam! It’s hotter than a rotisserie and wetter than you after five minutes with the Animal in the back seat of my deuce. It’s copasetic though cuz LT brought us some hooch and brews and we’re kicking back relaxing. Duckwiser got his hooks on a couple of reels of stag films and we’re watching those to get hepped up for the mission tomorrow. It’s called Operation Muscatine and we’re supposed to pacify a sector or whatever, which means we shoot up the gooks, smoke out their tunnels and burn down the village.

Mud Dog [Captain Ernest "Mad Dog" Medina] has a bug up his ass about killing everything that moves so I got one of those little bird things you put on a drink, you know the ones that bob up and down forever, and I stuck that on his bigass map table as we were walking out of briefing with a note saying “Charlie’s Movin’ Man!” and he was all “which one of you chickenshits put this here?” Nobody said nothing so he just looked all pissed off at all of us so the LT just told us to shag ass out of there.

Then when we got back to our bivouacs we were getting ready to break out the church keys and then LT comes in and said that we had to dig a new trench line for the frigging dime nickels like the FAGs couldn’t get off their lazy asses to dig them. They sat there and watched us for an hour although afterwards they gave us some cured swine they found on some dead gomers last week. Everyone was like “that’s boss” but the Animal, well you know me. After we cleared out I went to the latrine and filled like five jerry cans with the crud that is like a mix of number one and number two and smells god awful. Then I took the jerry cans and dumped them all in the trench we just dug for the FAGS. They’ll be knee deep in that tomorrow! Ha ha ha! Animal strikes again.

Anyway chick, hope you’re keepin’ it wet, I’m gonna knock one out thinking of that time at the passion pit when you let me toss little animal between your cheeks. I’ll write more tomorrow.

XOXOXO

The Animal

Hey babe, just writing again real quick because I had to tell you this hilarious thing before I forget it. Right now I’m sittin’ next to this roadside that is totally full of dead gomers. It’s hilarious. 1st Platoon totally wigged out, like LT just stood there and watched while everyone was just going buck wild. What really kicked things off was when this dude was just totally standing there with his cow out in the field and 2nd squad came around this hootch they were burning. The dude threw his arms up in the air like “hey” and Nichols lit him up good and LT didn’t bat an eye. Verona was the funniest, there was this dude standing there with his hands up and Verona just totally stabbed the dude in the stomach with his bayonet. The dude was wheezing and Verona just BAM right in the head. I was in tears.

It got better though. Verona just grabs this old guy who was doing a loaf in his shorts and took out his 45 and shot him in the throat. I was like “hahahaha!” and then he freaking throws the guy in a well. I was totally on the ground laughing by this point and Verona just turned to me and gave me that cockeyed look of his and he dropped a pineapple right down the well. KABOOM! Oh man, I tell you, these guys are like Bob Hope times ten!

Once the gooks realized we weren’t interested in swapping stories this time around they all started running around in every direction and it just got crazier. I saw this old woman, get this, she had a friggin launched m79 in her stomach. I was going to pretend to be a doctor and be like “here is some Rolaids for that and call me in the morning if it still feels bad” but LT shot her in the face with his sidearm.

Then Sam Spade [Pfc. Samuel Washington] saw some gooks running along the road where I am now and he was like “check it, Animal” and he just lit them all up. He fed a whole chain into them sideways. Lead poisoning! Then me and Verona and Sam Spade headed over to them because a couple were still kicking around. One of them was pretty hot in a slant way and Verona took her shirt off and started jerkin’ the gherkin, but she had a sucker in her lung and he couldn’t get it up. Finally he planted his e-tool in her forehead to shut her up and then knocked one out all over her. Washington had a burlap sack full of teeth and he had emptied ‘em out to play some b-stomp. That’s where you take a gomer baby and stick it in the bag and then drop both heels on it. It’s like a kike wedding or something! POP!

I was gonna knock one out when Verona finished but the gomer looked kind of gross with his nut on her so instead I got underneath a couple of dead old guys and started talking like a ghost. Verona ran and got the LT and I was like “Amellican GI, we will haunt you foll all of time” and even though LT didn’t think it was funny Sam Spade and Verona were cracking in half. Then a couple of the dead gomers started to fart and crap really loud and it was just too much, I doubled over and puked I was laughing so hard.

Ok, whirlybirds are comin’ for some reason so I’m gonna wrap this up. I’ll write more later. I can’t wait to get home and lay some pipe, chick. Hey, if you can, send me some rubbers in your next letter and then I can fill them up and send them back, I don’t know, if that’s gross forget about it.

XOXOXOXO

The Animal

Oh man baby, things just keep getting funnier. LT had us chasing some gomers and out of the blue a Huey dropped in on us and the pilot was all “durt durt durt, I will fire on you if you don’t let these people go.” And Sam Spade was like “rock and roll then, honkey” but the door gunner was confused so I put this mama san’s face I had cut off over my face and was like “please GI, we just want go here to join our people” and Verona was frigging busting a gut. Then I started to do my “happy talk” dance and even Sam Spade was cracking up. Then I saw this little kid, like maybe five, walk past with his arm shot off and I just couldn’t take it anymore I was laughing so hard. I wish the LT had been around because he would have made that chopper move its fat ass but he was busy chucking frags into hootches half a click away.

Finally the gomers who we were chasing disappear into some jungle and the pilot of the chopper points at us and starts to lift off. Verona dropped trou right there and mooned them as they were heading up. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. He has the runs too and loves peanuts so there were little pieces of peanut all over his ass. That Verona is going to be on stage some day, he’s got an even better sense of humor than your Animal does, baby.

Anyway, I got to go, Mud Dog is landing and he wants to shoot up some gomers so he can recommend himself for another silver star or something. I’ve been thinking about your mom. It’s weird. Do you think she would be willing to drop a loaf on my face while you massage my prostate when I come home on leave? Just a thought.

XOXOXOXO

The Animal

(actual comedy courtesy of somethingawful.com)

Scenario: Semi-retarded kid creates a Legend of Zelda comic that he thinks is awesome. He posts about it to some gaming forums, displaying the comic. Guys decide to fuck with him. They tell him that they’re from an animation company and they’re interested in turning his comic into a computer animated motion picture. They produce “Animation Test” videos to show the kid some proof of concept, and watermark the videos with the animation company logo.

Result?

The Legend of Zelda: The Light of Courage (Animation Test #1)
The Legend of Zelda: The Light of Courage (Animation Test #2)

I cant stop laughing at this. Oh, and the kid totally bought into it.

I am sure I am not the first to ask this question, but here goes:

I wonder why no “fiscal conservative” in either the House or Senate has made a peep about the 200 billion (and counting) we are spending in Iraq yet all of a sudden 200 billion for reconstruction of the Gulf gets their panties in a bunch?

When I saw this photo of Bush writing a note to Condoleeza Rice during a summit (on Eschaton), I thought it must a doctored photo:

If you can’t make it out, it says: “I think I may need a bathroom break?” and then some undecipherable stuff—maybe “Is this possible” (no punctuation seen).

Not only is the note ridiculous, but he puts a question mark in there? He’s asking Condoleeza Rice if he thinks he may need a bathroom break. Asking someone about what one should think about one’s own body functions—now that’s personal responsibility.

Original source.

Police found 11 children caged at a home in Ohio. As usual, the foster parents deny any wrongdoing.

Is it just me, or is Ohio in the news more for fucked up shit? In the past, when I heard a story about a weird crime, I’d assume it happened in Florida, now it’s always Ohio.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but what annoys me more than all the right wing nuts out there is the saturation of popular media with these right wing nuts. These are the guys responsible for electing Bush and justifying every bone headed thing he does. So I started reading the bios of 2 of my favorite talking heads:
Sean Hannity and Grand Wizard Limbaugh. Turns out that both of them dropped out of college to get jobs in radio.

Limbaugh: Attended Southeast Missouri State University for one year before dropping out.
Hannity: Attended NYU for one year before dropping out.

So lets compare with 2 on the left(the only 2?)
Al Franken: Graduated from Harvard
Jon Stewart: Graduated from the College of William and Mary