Archive for April, 2006

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone…

Posted in Bush Alert!, Politics on April 26th, 2006 by Pants Of Time

So Tony Snow is now the face that the press sees when they want to ask the White House a question. There’s no doubt that Tony Snow has been able to answer some real hard hitting questions in the past, and there’s no doubt that he’s got a brilliant opinion to spice it up with.

Media Matters is offering some interesting tidbits about Mr. Snow. You guys can check it out for yourselves here.

Tony Snow used to be a member of the world renowned “Free Republic” forums that we can all read when we want to find a cesspool of conservative knee jerk reactionaries and crazy people. Obviously as soon as this was found out, Free Republic deleted Snow’s account and all posts that he had partaken in. That doesn’t stop internet savvy folks from using tools such as archive.org to dig up his past opinions. I hope we find out soon what interesting opinions he provided on those forums. For now, lets all see what other delightfully educated opinions Mr. Snow has had to offer in the past.

Today, evolutionary theorists find themselves at wits’ end because the fossil record provides no evidence of any species ever turning into another. We know species adjust to environmental conditions — ever notice how tall kids are these days? — and that natural selection does occur. But there’s nothing to vindicate the notion of an evolutionary leap.

This is from a recent column of his (some time from August ’05 I believe ). Simply brilliant though isn’t it?. Thanks for that one Tony. What other goodies do you have hiding in your basket?

Consider Vietnam. The conventional wisdom holds that America fought an unjust war there and lost. In fact, we embarked upon a noble war, analogous to the battle in Iraq, but we lost our will – in part because war protesters concocted tales of widespread viciousness and butchery

Hit the nail right on the head there Tony. No lies, deception, or strategic blunders in Vietnam, it was a great war that was lost because of protestors!

I wanted to turn this into a giant journal of more absurd tidbits of his but I’m running short on energy. Mayhap I’ll update it with more soon. For now, here’s some links to munch on.

Kwanzaa bashing

An archive of his column on Jewish World Review

A ‘Think Progress’ overview of Mr. Snow’s opinion on Bush

Clear motive

Posted in Uncategorized on April 16th, 2006 by DoubleMan

“Regarding a potential motive,” Tompkins said, “this appears to have been part of a plan to kidnap a person, rape them, torture them, kill them, cut off their head, drain the body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, then dispose of the organs and bones.”

Why wasn’t he planning to eat the organs?  Fucking psycho.

Say wha?

Posted in Bush Alert!, Etc. on April 8th, 2006 by Pants Of Time
”If somebody did leak classified information, I’d like to know it, and we’ll take the appropriate action.”

Breakfast…

Posted in Uncategorized on April 7th, 2006 by Pants Of Time

Waffles

Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden

Posted in Uncategorized on April 6th, 2006 by Pants Of Time
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
And now it’s…
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We’re marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Come on Germans
Go into your dance
I was born in Dusseldorf
Und that is why they call me Rolf.
Don’t be stupid, be a smarty,
Come and join the Nazi party!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
*BOMB*
Goosesteps a new step today
*BOMB*
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Means that soon we’ll be going
We got to be going
You know we’ll be going to
WARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Use Your Illusion II

Posted in Evolution/ Creationism/ "Intelligent Design", Religion on April 6th, 2006 by Pants Of Time

As if things weren’t bad enough on the homefront, it appears the pandemic known as “Intelligent Design” has made its way over the border to Canada. This time a professor at McGill has been denied a grant for a research project which would study the detrimental effects of Intelligent Design on Canadian students. Why was he denied the funds? Because he couldn’t prove the validity of evolution to the panel who has discretion over said funds. For my subjective opinion of this, see kstevens comment regarding the Amazon reviewer’s critique of Lawrence of Arabia. I would also like to apologize for my complete lack of grammatical skill today, my mind is shot.

At any rate, click here to read more.

The Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game

Posted in Etc., Uncategorized on April 6th, 2006 by kstevens

Just discovered this game at waxy.org via norbizness.

The game is played by looking up popular and critically acclaimed books, movies, TV, shows, etc on Amazon.com and sorting the user reviews by “lowest rating first.”

Some awesome examples [my comments in brackets]:

The White Album: “If you want to hear a peak in popular rock music listen to (for example) “Use Your Illusion I & II” by Guns N’ Roses. These are the kind of albums that deserve all the praise the White Album gets.” [Apparently Great White did not kill ALL their fans]

Bob Dylan – Highway 61 Revisited: “He set the precedent that doomed rock ‘n roll to always being a semantic eunuch.” [Not sure what "semantic eunuch" means, but (like him or not) wouldn't Dylan be the opposite of that?]

John Coltrane – A Love Supreme: “I think about Kenny G., for instance. His rythmic session is much more regular, whereas Coltrane’s session seems sometimes to loose the beat.” [My head hurts]

Casablanca: “I’m pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen – the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?” [Seriously. And why didn't they bring in George Lucas to punch up the special effects? That plane takeoff was teh lame]

Casablanca (again): “This movie is horrible! It is so boring and unoriginal that I can’t stand it.” [I’m pretty sure that they ripped off the plot from Out Cold. But I have to admit it was hilarious when Claude Raines got his dick stuck in that hot tub]

Shawshank Redemption: “It’s a shame that a briliiant actor and director had to fall victum to the use of vile language when it was proven by the television version that it was completely unnecessary to the impact and story line.” [I hate to fall victim to the use of vile language, but this reviewer is a fuckwad]

The Godfather: “‘The Godfather’ has an ugly consciousness and a mean spirit. I see no justification for it, thoroughly disliked it, and have tried to forget it.”[I too prefer mob movies where the mobsters sit around holding bakesales and never kill anyone]

Catcher in the Rye: “I find it as pointless as the day i read it. You would be much better off reading a nice Grisham, actually…” [No comment]

Slaughterhouse Five: “I read it, but I literally have no idea what this book is about. And I’m not reading it again to find out either.” [Definitely the most helpful Amazon review evar]

2001-A Space Odyssey: “For the reviewers commenting that the ‘director wants the viewer to use his/her brain’ I say that movies are a form of entertainment and should not leave the viewer with to much to think about.” [This explains the film career of Martin Lawrence]

Lawrence of Arabia: “To my horror, I saw that Columbia had seen fit to alter a masterpiece. Yes, the film came complete with those horrific black bars at the top and bottom of my screen, which obscured about half of the picture. I’ve seen those bars on the “artsy” videos on TV, and I sometimes enjoy them. But this is a classic work of art! You don’t try to make it “hip” and “relevant” with modern touches. It would be like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa. Until Columbia drops the act and releases “Lawrence of Arabia” without those bars, letting us see all of the picture, stay away. [I am not sure I want to live in world where people like this exist]

Catch-22: “The writing is incredibly long-winded (he needed to EDIT, he needed a COMPUTER) and Heller always chooses the MORE OBSCURE word over the more ACCESSIBLE, STUPIDER (Heller probably thought) word.” [These types of reviewers really piss me off. They blame the writer because they are too stupid to understand the words. Apparently, all novels should be written at the level of "See Spot Run"]

Catch-22 (again): “I always wanted to read Catch 22 because it was a famous book (and of course the term was used in a Metallica song).” [See Lawrence of Arabia above]

Seven Samurai: “This movie seems to be a scene-by-scene copy of one of my favorite movies-”Magnificent Seven”. Magnificent seven is a classic movie that has been copied many times, but I didn’t know westerns were popular enough in japan to be copied.” [See Lawrence of Arabia above]

Abbey Road: I bought this album because I totally thought the guy on the right was Kate Hudson’s husband. So I mean, I THOUGHT I was scoring some QUALITY stoner grooves or like, something kinda White Stripey. Dude, was I wrong. Like, are there ANY phat beats on this thing? Um, NO–I heard they don’t tour at all–I bet they can’t dance, ’cause not one of their boy band harmonies has a kickin’ beat behind it, so what’s the point? And what’s with the look? I mean, dude, hit a gymn already, and like, catch Queer Eye like even once, and get some product in your hair. And those lyrics…they don’t take it from the streets to the suburbs (props to Eminem) or the suburbs to the suburbs (shout out to tha Kid)–in fact THEY DON’T RAP AT ALL. I Want You (She’s So Heavy)–I mean, sure we all want the hot girl, but do you have to make the other girl who’s fat feel bad by telling her that? Too cold. And what’s with Carry That Weight–is the guy going with the fat girl after all, or has he gotten fat himself? Confusing. Give Me “your body is a wonderland” any day. Speaking of heavy, forget slammin’ tracks–these guys are ENGLISH, so they don’t hit it like like Korn or Limp Bizkit or Phantom Planet. And okay, yeah, Sun King was kind of cool to chill to, but it would be better if it lasted like, twenty minutes with the same downbeats going all the way through–you can’t get halfway through your doobie before the song is like, over. And Polythene Pam right after? Freaked me out, man. So, in summary, check out a real band like Incubus. [Hard to beleive this one isn't a parody. Even so, I actually kinda like this guy]

The Scarlet letter: “Why the couple couldn’t have gotten a divorce is beyond me.” [Yes. Yes it is.]

All the Presidents Men: “I didn’t like this movie very much. I only rented it because Stephen Collins was in it as Hugh W. Sloan Jr. I liked his role because I like him and he’s very attractive guy for being 55 years old. I like him best in this movie. He’s also very very good as Eric Camden on the hit ABC television show 7th Heaven. Way to go, Stephen!” [I really don't know where to begin with this one]

This is Spinal Tap: “If you’re going to make such an excellent documentary, why make it about about a band that nobody has ever heard of? Getting similar behind-the-scenes footage on the Who, The Stones, or Genesis would have been a monumental achievment in documentary cinema. But Spinal Pap?” [Thats ok. I think Steven Tyler made the very same mistake this reviewer is making when he saw the movie]

Beware!

Posted in Etc. on April 2nd, 2006 by Pants Of Time
Ceiling Cat